Sehening Kalbu

Kelana Berlandaskan Hati, Percaya Mengikat Diri…

Questions about sex

Posted by anakkawi on December 31, 2007

November 28, 2007

Mitchell Symons, author of Where Do Nudists Keep Their Hankies, has the answer to all sorts of saucy secrets. Read his funny explanations for three questions of sex here

Why do men fall asleep after sex?

Well, I do. Don’t all men? Why? Presumably because we have sex last thing at night. Also, as men, we’re task-orientated: job done, lets move on to the next one, which, after a good fart, is going to sleep. The cuddle can wait for another day.

Having said that, it is undoubtedly true that sex – accompanied or solo – does make you sleepy.

Is there a cause and effect?

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I decided to ask Dr Roland Powell, my pet MD, who told me that he has actually had (female) patients complain to him about this.

Why doesn’t he just tell them to get a life?

‘I would, but don’t forget that I am a private GP.’

‘Nuff said. So what causes men’s sleepiness after sex?

‘Well, there’s a lot in what you say about having sex just before you go to sleep and therefore feeling sleepy – especially if there’s been some exertion to help release natural endorphins that relax us.

‘You’ll also find that, just before and during orgasm, you experience a quicker heart rate and higher blood pressure. After orgasm, the heart rate slows and the blood pressure drops and both of those are conducive to sleep.

‘But that’s not all. An orgasm – male or female – also released oxytocin, which is the same hormone that’s released when women are breastfeeding and it’s designed to put babies to sleep. Obviously, it has the same effect on adults. Yes, and that means women too.’

Are any foods really aphrodisiacs?

You won’t be surprised to learn that I belong to the school of thought that says if you’re in the mood then almost nothing will stop you, and that if you’re not, them nothing will work (except maybe Rohypnol).

Still, in the interests of scientific research, I unearthed the following so-called aphrodisiacs.

Oysters These are high in calcium, iron and vitamin A – all of which help with the process of ‘lurve’. In fact, all shellfish – especially lobster – have aphrodisiacal qualities. The truth is that if you’re taken (or you’re taking someone) out for a lobster supper, you’re going to be pretty turned on anyway.

Sunflower seeds Apparently, these have to be ‘raw’. Is there any other way?

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Tomatoes You always knew that salad was good for you – well, now you can order double portions. And tomato isn’t the only thing that will pep your love life. While you’re at it (or, indeed, before, if you catch my drift), check out some avocado, cucumber, green pepper, watercress and lettuce.

Lemon maybe this explains why cocktail bars always give you a slice of lemon with your drink: they’re trying to get you in the mood. In fact, all citrus fruit is good to eat if you want a healthy sex life.

Honey This contains something called ‘gonadotropic hormone’, which apparently helps to stimulate the sex glands.

Garlic Now this poses an interesting dilemma: you eat garlic to make yourself sexier but, of course, the more you eat, the less fanciable you become. Hmm. The same problem also applies to that other supposed aphrodisiac, onions.

Radishes The raises similar problems to garlic and onions, and also the possibility of wind, which is, let’s face it, hardly the greatest turn-on.

Betel nut (if you chew it). If you remember South Pacific, you’ll remember Bloody Mary, the brothel madam, ‘chewing betel nut’.

Strawberries Tastier than many of the above ‘remedies’, strawberries will apparently put you in the mood for almost anything.

And so the list goes on – culminating in, of course, chocolate, which, according to all the women I’ve consulted, isn’t just an aphrodisiac for sex but a damn fine alternative to it too. Not surprising when you consider that it contains trace amounts of phenylethylamine, the same chemical found in the brains of people who are in love.

Then there are all the weird things – like snake blood and powered rhino horn – but, frankly, it’s not worth the bother, is it?

The truth is, for most humans of my gender, almost anything will do – including the word ‘the’, as Derek and Clive (aka Peter Cook and Dudley Moore) demonstrated in Ad Nauseam (1978).

Is it true that the Vatican has the greatest collection of pornography in the world?

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When I told friends I was writing this book, I asked for any questions they might have on the subject. This one – from Clive (thanks, mate) – came right out of left field.

It couldn’t be true, could it?

And yet, I had just enough suspicion to find out one way or the other.

Alas, it wasn’t true. And I so wanted it to be!

However, Clive wasn’t entirely stupid for asking because there is something of an urban myth surrounding the Vatican and pornography.

It turns out that it came from a throwaway remark by the renowned sexologist Alfred Kinsey, who apparently told his students that he had the greatest collection of pornography – second only to the Vatican’s.

By the way, guess who does have the world’s largest collection of pornography…

Yes, that’s right – it’s the Kinsey Institute in Bloomington, Indiana.

– Extracted from Where Do Nudists Keep Their Hankies? …and Other Adult Questions You Always Wanted Answered by Mitchell Symons, published by Bantam Press, £9.99. His current book, Don’t Get Me Started, is also available priced at £9.99.

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